There room a few ways to recognize if you room a Sexy Lady. First, friend should have the ability to sit down in a skirt through a thigh-high slot without reflecting off her giblets. Girlfriend should additionally have a beauty mark on her cheek, which ns think is the same thing as a mole yet maybe an ext circular? most importantly, friend should have the ability to tie a cherry stem through your tongue, i beg your pardon is a primo method to connect your awesome French kissing skills.

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I deserve to do no one of this things. Ns don’t own any kind of skirts with thigh-high slits, although i did simply buy a brand-new pair of shorteralls native the village Discount. I have a little mole on mine cheek, but it’s shaped choose Morocco, so i don’t think i can call it a beauty beauty mark. And also I definitely can’t tie a cherry stem through my tongue, despite the fact that I when won the nacho-cheese-snarfing challenge at church camp. But that’s no for absence of trying. Ever due to the fact that I experienced Audrey Horne neatly tie a maraschino stem while applying for a task at One Eyed Jack’s on Twin Peaks, i knew the the ol’ cherry stem trick was the ultimate hallmark of a Sexy Lady. And so, in one earnest attempt to join the nation’s sexy ranks, I chose to try and teach myself come tie a cherry stem with my tongue.

First, I essential to know: is tie a cherry stem v your tongue physically possible? Or was it just one more myth perpetuated by Sexy Lady Media, prefer jogging in panty hose or staring vigorously at a romantic possibility without creeping castle out?


The New York Times reports the it’s totally possible. Situation in point: Al Gliniecki, that as the 2017 organized three Guinness human being Records for most cherry tribe knotted making use of the tongue (14 in one minute, 39 in 3 minutes and 911 in one hour). Gliniecki recommended utilizing longer and also thinner stems, preferably maraschino cherry stems end fresh ones, together the sugary syrup helps soften the stems. He likewise recommended keeping the stems at room temperature therefore they’re much less stiff.

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I decided that if a man named Al could accomplish this sexy feat, ns could, too. Through Gliniecki’s advice in mind, ns bought a bag of new California cherries and a small jar of maraschino cherries. I dispensed around a half dozen cherries into a tiny salsa bowl, then seen my tongue in the mirror. It to be still there, every right—and spring extra sexy, i thought. Finally, ns let mine beagle sniff each of the cherries. This step isn’t required, however it was fun and also cute.

To begin, ns selected the longest, thinnest stem in my tiny bowl that cherries. It was a new California cherry stem, and also it to be a good 2.5 inches long, i m sorry seemed choose a an excellent place to start. I’m a intuitive learner, for this reason I likewise watched this somewhat suggestive YouTube video, i beg your pardon was in reality pretty helpful.


First, the video clip recommended sticking the stem in her mouth and also softening it v your spit because that a few seconds. I sloshed the stem around a bit prior to moving on to the following step: gently scooting the stem therefore it was positioned horizontally beneath the center of mine tongue. Native there, I supplied my tongue to press down ~ above the middle of the stem therefore it created an upward U-shape. Points were walking well. Ns was emotion sexy.

From there, I used my tongue to push the ends of the U-shape up against the back of my top row that teeth. Once the stem felt fairly stable, I supplied my tongue to overcome one finish over the various other to kind an X shape.

This is where things obtain tricky. To form the knot, I had to host one end of the X-shaped stem in between my former teeth, then utilizing my tongue and also teeth to press the other finish of the X back through the center. I functioned on this because that a good eight minutes till I was able to kind a tiny, tiny node at one end. After spending an additional eight minute trying to number out exactly how to tighten the cursed thing, I gave up and pulled the taut with my fingers.


Next, i tried tying a maraschino stem, i beg your pardon Gliniecki asserted is the easier feat. Reader, i couldn’t carry out it. The maraschino tribe were simply too thick, and also none of lock stretched past two inches. This sucks, because you don’t frequently see fresh California cherries in ~ bars. That maraschino or bust.

Interestingly enough, I gained sort of an excellent at tie the California cherry stems. Here’s the problem: it’s really not a sensual endeavor. I spent a minimum of 5 minutes on every stem, and also I looked favor a cow chewing cud the entirety time. Later, I found out that Sherilyn Fenn, the actor that played Audrey Horne ~ above Twin Peaks, faked her well known cherry-tying scene. That explains how she was able to finish the trick with such speed and also sexed-up intensity.

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Ultimately, i’m at peace with mine short, stubby, minimally dexterous tongue. If this is the cost of member to the Sexy Lady Club, I’ll just keep a pocketful of pre-tied trunk in my backpack for a tiny sleight of hand. In the meantime, i think ok stick with my go-to crowd-pleasing party trick: the armpit fart.