Matt Lanter as Will; Vanessa Minnillo as Amy; Gary "G Thang" Johnson as Calvin; Kim Kardashian as Lisa; Nicole Parker as Enchanted Princess, Amy Winehouse and Jessica Simpson; Ike Barinholtz as Javier Bardem, Hellboy, Batman, Beowulf and Prince Caspian; Crista Flanagan as Juney and Hannah Montana; Tony Cox together Indiana Jones

Movie Review

Meteors. Tornados. Rabid singing chipmunk puppets.

These are just a couple of of the countless dangers confronted by the personalities in Disaster Movie—a tellingly named spoof that offers the Hollywood identical of gym-class wedgies to everyone from Amy Winehouse come Prince Caspian. But whatever parodic risk these characters find us in, they room in no higher danger than moviegoing ticket buyers, whose brain cells may try to escape this movie through dislodging and also oozing out onto the floor.

The film’s hero (and I usage the term loosely) is named Will, a seemingly nice, amiable fellow who is checked out by a saber-toothed Winehouse in a dream and also told the the finish of the human being will begin on Aug. 29, 2008. This dream disturbs bad Will, and also not just since Winehouse shotguns a pint the tequila and also lets loosened a three-minute burp. No, he’s pertained to that Winehouse’s prophecy may indeed come true. So he refuses come tell his girlfriend, Amy (an employee at the local history museum), the he loves her.

Yep, that’s it. That’s the entire story. Pac-Man has better plot development.

But no matter. Will’s dream was supposedly prophetic, and also soon the civilization is being pelted v all manner of terrors. Eerie cold fronts move through the city. Cows fly v the air. Meteors and also the film’s hoax slam into the ground v fiery, leaden thuds. Now, in ~ the end of every things, will realizes he must say those magic words come Amy and, if it’s not too late, shot to save the people using mysterious decision skulls one night in ~ the museum.

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Spiritual Elements

During a High institution Musical-esque number, one personality warbles to the Juno-inspired Juney that, because she isn’t exactly a member the the “Christian Coalition,” she should go ahead and also get one abortion. That adds that if he had a wire hangar he’d aid her out. A Zac Efron form belts the end a line around the Catholic priest who molested him as a child, simply as stated priest reflects up and also grabs the fellow’s rear. “Jessica Simpson” sings around how her “boobs space for Jesus.”


Sexual Content

The first time we meet Will and Amy they’re in bed together—along through a naked flavor Flav look-alike (a giant watch obscures his privates) and also a naughtily dressed tiny person. Will and also Amy room dressed modestly by comparison, despite Amy’s wearing simply bikini-like underwear.

We check out a girl background up she shirt, revealing a hairy stomach and, presumably, she breasts (which are mainly obscured by “Girls unable to do Wild” signage). “Dr. Phil” tries to seduce a bevy the women, calling them “lesbians” and “whores” as soon as they walk away from him. Two women wrestle and also play twister in skimpy outfits and fishnet stockings. Someone sings around a homosexual connection he had in college. Someone rather showcases his “abnormally high plumber’s crack,” i beg your pardon goes to the middle of his back. A an alleged Calvin Klein underwear design parades in—well, his Calvin Kleins. Characters smooch and also dance seductively.

And all that takes ar in just one scene.

Elsewhere, we see a grasp of bikini-clad women running slowly down the street. A Miley Cyrus facsimile, together she’s dying underneath one asteroid, talks about her name-branded underwear and shills because that her brand-new album, Underage. A character designed come mimic the princess indigenous Enchanted talks around her pimp, apparently was paid to have actually sexual connections with Kung Fu Panda‘s Po, squeezes an additional characters’ breasts and, we’re told, is ready to do “anything.” us later discover she’s in reality a transvestite—and she’s not the just one. “Michael Jackson” pops out of a auto trunk, add by a boy and also a monkey. “Justin Timberlake” hurts his own privates in bespeak to song higher. A Hulkish other has his trousers ripped off.

One character talks about sleeping through the Jonas Brothers. Amy removes a crystal skull from between her legs. That male from Beowulf fights will certainly naked. (We usually see him from the side, and also when he deals with the camera, his most vital bits space obscured.)

I’m stopping now. Over there are far too numerous sexual asides and also references to keep in mind here—and frankly, if I gain any much more specific, you won’t want to check out my reviews anymore. I will write this, though: I’m not going to give a film any kind of points just due to the fact that its creators chose to let the word “dating” stand in for the f-word.


Violent Content

The Joker would certainly be proud: Disaster Movie revels in its body count. The most graphic death involves a an extremely pregnant Juney being devoured alive by evil, rabid parodies that Alvin and the Chipmunks‘ rodents. She provides lame witticisms together the critters nibble on her exposed vertebrate.

Several characters are shoot (one in slow motion, with the forehead), and an extra is offed—à la No nation for Old Men—via air compressor. At least two souls room squished by streaking meteors, one more falls on a sword and still one more is smacked in the ago with an ax. The squirrel are killed twice—once by slow-moving asphyxiation in a trash can, and also then through a paris cow. Indeed, cows hit several characters. And one scene attributes scads the severed limbs on the ground and also falling from the sky.

No one gets more gravely abused than the Enchanted princess. The minute she climbs the end of the sewers, a taxi hits her. She eats a glass bottle and blood burbles the end of she mouth—a patent disturbing scene for a throw-away comedy. And she hobbles around on bloody, glass-covered feet. (We’re told her glass slippers aren’t all the comfortable.)

Groins room favorite targets for speeding objects. Juney has actually a throwdown with a Sex and the City mrs (who turns out to it is in a male), in i m sorry Juney’s unborn infant sticks the foot right into the attacker’s mouth. Amy endures numerous blows come the head (including a couple from a frying pan) and also a mousetrap snapping on she nose. “Batman” is dragged with the roads by a car. Someone gets whupped through a ceiling fan and chucked the end a window.

And, again, I must stop.


Drug and Alcohol Content

I pointed out Winehouse guzzling a pint that tequila, right? She likewise says she loves drinking gasoline and also that she can sure use some crack. The pregnant Juney additionally drinks heavily, mixing what looks like vodka v a gallon of orange juice prior to guzzling under the totality mess. Rather are displayed with drinks in their hands, and also some dweeby high schoolers (in a riff on Superbad) crash a party come abscond party of liquor.

We’re called the princess isn’t yes, really a princess in ~ all, however a homeless human who’s used much too numerous mind-altering drugs. She refers to the crystal skull as a “magic bong” and offers to carry out a sex-related favor for “five bucks or some meth.” Will references the sleep assist Ambien.

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Conclusion

It is claimed that one infinite number of monkeys could write the complete works that Shakespeare if given an boundless amount that time and an infinite variety of typewriters.

I have actually my doubts around that. Yet I do believe the median teenage monkey might be able to whip up the manuscript for Disaster Movie in an afternoon.

Disaster Movie isn’t simply a negative late-summer flick, it’s a crime against creativity. This film has the moral fiber that a whoopee cushion and also the creative merit the a W-2 form. Oh, and also it’s about as funny as a Jackson Pollock painting. Gain it? No, i didn’t think so.

I began with the title. I’ll finish with it. This movie yes, really is a disaster.